No One Told To You Becoming A Mother Has Meant Accepting A Lifetime Of Anxiety
Anyone might feel a little anxiety when a new baby arrives, not only this short time, your journey become a mother is a lifetime, is a lifetime of anxiety. You was anxiuos from you knew to got pregnant.
I didn’t used to be anxious. I used to just leave the house. Just like that. Just stroll out of the front door, only concerned with everything around me. Didn’t care onebody.
But since having a baby leaving the house is a monumental effort. I need prepare not only for me but for my baby. I was worry everything ᴀFFᴇᴄᴛ to their health. They start small; what if he’s cold? What if he’s hungry? They escalate; what if I spill hot coffee on his head? What if someone coughs in his face and gives him ᴛᴜʙᴇʀᴄᴜʟᴏsɪs? When they were growing up, your anxiety is about thier safe.
No one warned me about this. Mum friends shared the ʜᴏʀʀᴏʀs of child birth and told me how difficult breast feeding is but no one told me for the unflinching anxiety that descends on you the moment you hold your new baby in your arms. I see ʜᴀᴢᴀʀᴅs everywhere and always fixate on the very worst case scenario.
Is the baby tiny, how can i cuddle him? Is the nurse going to drop him? Is his nappy on too tight, ᴄᴜᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴏFF ᴛʜᴇ ᴄɪʀᴄᴜʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴ to his legs? I read article after article about how to limit the risks and get out of bed in the middle of the night to check if his his heart is still beat.
I can’t have conversations with friends anymore because I’m too ᴅɪsᴛʀᴀᴄᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴛʜʀᴇᴀᴛs looming at my baby from every angle, from any where. I feel every where isn’t safely.
It is ᴇxʜᴀᴜsᴛɪɴɢ: If I’m not imagining what will ᴀFFᴇᴄᴛ him, I’m worrying about his development and what he should or shouldn’t be doing according to the baby books. If he’s asleep, I think he should be awake. If he’s hungry, I think I’m starving him.
It feels as though a never-ending stream of questions are queuing up in my head, alot of questions, waiting for their turn to speak: Is he too small for his age? Are his feet cold? Shouldn’t he be asleep? Why can’t he grip his toy? Should he eat? can go there?